My shopping objective was simple. Two prime cuts of NY strip steak from the food market – in and out – mebbee grab some non-hormonized milk….then back to the kitchen to cook dinner.
But No-o-o-o-o….shopping is never this easy, is it?
There, gracing the top of the meat case at a most convenient eye level, was a darling display of kitchen accoutrement – attractively packaged, perfectly arranged. While the meat man did his rap tap-dance of wrapping up my guilty “heart attack on a grill” purchase, I was silently processing the seemingly innocent visuals of this gadget set, a Himalayan Zen Salt Block and Grater.
Salt! Come on, what’s up with the salt. I’ve ingested, processed and divested a lifetime of sodium chloride. Full moon salt-induced H20 retention has been my best friend since I was 12. So, where’s the mystery?
I was suckered, big fat suckered right in! From the classical music playing through expensive speakers across the span of the market, to the designer drop pendant lighting hanging above the food cases, displays filled with rattan baskets bulging with splenderous gourmet delights, and I might add, the multiple choices of globally-sourced java beans make me a bit crazed and lip drooly each time I walk their long double row.
…and then these little cook contraptions with their palpable, vibrant, immediate energy. The silvered aura sheen hanging about the small orificed grater and the golden pink glow emanating from the 2-inch square salt block. I was emotionally rocked all the way across two continents to distant locales of exotic Asian foods. PRECIOUS – absolute PRECIOUSNESS!! The seductive aspect of these sweet little kitchen art d’objects grabbed me. Right by my foodie/visual artist nads!
Of course, I didn’t make the purchase right then and there. The youthful shopper training instilled by my mother’s Scotch Presbyterian roots stopped me in my tracks with the nag line of, “Do I really need this?” Well, ummmm…ermm….. no – not in this lifetime.
But this was not the end of it… the after effects of this salted chance encounter corrupted my imagination. The haunting mental images of eco-aware naturalistic packaging, the exoticism of the sales pitch and the nefarious placement by the store merchandiser. This all conspired against me until, a few days later on my next food hunt, I was primed and ready to buy that tiny block of salt.
But No-o-o-o-o-o, shopping is never this easy, is it?
Nooone. There were none to be had. Gone. Out of stock. Don’t know when a new shipment will arrive.
HOMG! I’m in big trouble. My must-have-need-it-now-can’t-live-without-it-gotta-get-it panic set in. Racing pulse, can’t catch my breath, hands violently trembling, heart pumping explosively in my chest… on a fast track to mental and physical breakdown.
Damn those in-store merchandising people!! They did it to me, again.
Feverish with unrequited fantasies of shaving Himalayan salt, I returned home and punched up my computer mon ami, Google. Page after page of arty-fartsy salts, but not one Zen block in sight. “I’m losing it….how will my kitchen life ever be complete?” I hit one more page and buried close to the bottom was the elusive answer to my search. The url link for my SALT quest!!
Ahhhhhhhh……….. at last. The arrival of calm and peace. I’m floating, slightly tipsy, high with the success of my online purchase.
ORDERED! PAID FOR! ON IT’S WAY!
Take that you nasty head-bending merchandiser people!!
*NOTE: I’ll get back to you with a product review after I’ve cradled the precious baby grater in my hands, nose snuffled the rosy golden glow and stuck my tongue to the side of the salt block.
Did You Know?
Common Table Salt
- Is an industrial by-product?
- Is stripped by chemical processing (with caustic soda and lime) of all elements except sodium and chloride?
- Anti-caking and flow ingredients are added, usually derived from aluminum products?
- FDA doesn’t require salt companies to disclose processed salt contents?
ITEMS FOR ZEN AND NOW