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Nilla Failures

Nilla Failures

So off to the kitchen my tot and I went. Me to find the surprisingly few ingredients I needed and him in the hoped of stirring something and licking a spoon. I mixed the dough, rolled it out into long tubes, gave my son a beater paddle and kept one for myself, stuck the cookie snake in the freezer and promptly forgot about it for a few hours.

You want shrooms? Sweet!

You want shrooms? Sweet!

“Soooo whaddya want me to bring?” I asked the host. “Hmmm how about stuffed mushrooms?” she said. “Uhhhh what?” was my response. At that I just sort of ya know…stared blankly at the world around me for a good ten minutes…accepting the fact that I had to freakin cook…stuffed freakin mushfreakin rooms.

You What? Think Eating Raw Fish is Orgasmic?

You What? Think Eating Raw Fish is Orgasmic?

Fast forward to the famous sushi conversation. It was a sunny day on the mountain, we were enjoying some nice powder runs and guzzling some crisp beer! When all of a sudden (beyond my control) the conversation turned to food. When this happens, I have a tendency to nod and smile politely while thinking about what it would be like for two fat people to have sex. I mean anything is better than discussing food. Next thing ya know, Annabelle proclaims that “eating sushi is, like, orgasmic dude”.

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Sure, I’ll Bring The Pig Heads Over

Sure, I’ll Bring The Pig Heads Over

Before I hopped into my car I let out the hugest scream. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” I tucked my nose safely inside my sweatshirt placed my sweaty palms firmly on my steering wheel, put the car into drive and away I went.

What made the situation worse was that the bodies that were once attached to these warm, stinky pig heads, were in the truck in front of me. Trying to pretend I was on a beach in Maui sipping a Pina Colada wasn’t cutting it. I literally felt like I was going to pass out.

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I Made A Flippin’ Pot Roast

I Made A Flippin’ Pot Roast

Once upon a time I was asked to cook a pot roast for my family. I was shocked at said request because I hate cooking, I hate talking about it, I hate doing it, why cook when you can have someone else do it for you? Besides… I didn’t even know what animal a pot roast came from. To me a pot roast took me back to high school and college… and a pipe and a lighter was all that was necessary for our pot roasts.

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