Yeah, we’re filing this recipe under the “Survive It” category. Why, you ask? Because one of our dogs has an unhealthy obsession for chocolate, will stop at nothing to get herself into it, and has survived the consumption of it on multiple occasions. This torte was no exception. We have no idea how she is still alive. Despite the fact that our pit bull is 105 in dog years, and despite the fact that the barely eaten torte was sitting on top of a foot-tall spice rack on the counter, she still somehow miraculously managed to knock the dessert to the floor and consume at least one full pound of dense chocolate torte when no one was looking.
This was very nearly a survive it moment. I did so many things wrong with this recipe that I am amazed that I didn’t end up tossing a pound of bacon in the trash. My first mistake was that I had spread myself too thin in the kitchen that day and was running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Attempting Asian Slaw with Peanut-Ginger Dressing was a seventeen-ingredient adventure with two components – the dressing & the slaw. This dish was a whole new ballgame and somehow, I managed to survive.
Hot Sauce Hell Day arrived, and I began making the sauce. Dehydrate the peppers, check. Fire roast the peppers, check. Make the sauce, check. At no point was I ever foolish enough to be without rubber gloves or good ventilation, or too far away from 911 on the iPhone.
So off to the kitchen my tot and I went. Me to find the surprisingly few ingredients I needed and him in the hoped of stirring something and licking a spoon. I mixed the dough, rolled it out into long tubes, gave my son a beater paddle and kept one for myself, stuck the cookie snake in the freezer and promptly forgot about it for a few hours.
Editor’s Note: The only reason this recipe is found in the “Survive It” category is because the author attempted to light herself on fire, Michael Jackson style, in the process of making it. Management does not recommend leaning over a simmering pot of ANYTHING sitting on a gas stove if (A) you have long hair (B) its not in a ponytail and (C) you are not a cast member of Jackass I, Jackass 2, or Jackass 3D.